Hunted Chapter 7: Flashback Part Infinity!

Nala comes in and out of the blue, Zoey makes this special note.

Okay – SPECIAL NOTE: Duchess, Jack’s yellow Lab, is an anomaly. Stark brought her with him wen he transferred to our school from the Chicago House of Night. Then he died. Jack adopted her. Then un-died, but was obviously not himself, ’cause the first thing he did was shoot an arrow through Stevie Rae. Hence the fact Duchess is still with Jack. Plus I think the kid’s getting really attached to her.

Whoa. This announcement seriously just came out of nowhere and hit us in the face. Why are we talking about Duchess now? Duchess isn’t in the room. And she’s not an anomaly, she’s a dog. They’re common pets amongst member’s of the human race. I mean, I know vampyres like cats a lot, but is there some sort of unwritten law that they’re not allowed to have, like, a ferret, or a turtle?

Then Erik and Zoey saunter off together, because if there’s one thing this book needs, it’s definitely more awkward make-out sessions. The tunnels don’t have a lot of lighting, which is just fine with Zoey because, as a vampyre, she is a creature of the night who always likes to brag about her great night vision.

We hadn’t gone far when something caught at the corner of my eyes and I slowed down, peering into the heavy shadows between the lanterns . . . My stomach tightened with fear.

Or not. I guess little miss vampyre Zoey is scared of the dark that she perpetually lives in. I also guess that vampyres can’t see in the dark quite as well as they always say they can. That’s kind of an odd evolutionary decision, but okay.

A bunch of bats fly out of the darkness and Zoey screams because flying things scare her. That makes sense, as the only thing she has to defend herself against small flying animals are all of the elements, the ability to turn invisible, precognitive feelings and an extremely sexy hair flip.

How horrifying.

Erik pulls Zoey out of the way of the bats presumably because he doesn’t want her sexy hair to get ruined, and with that scene over they start snooping around in the fledgling’s rooms.

They look at Gerarty’s art which is swirly and pretty, and Zoey says that it would be great if vampyres and humans could have better relations so that they could show the world her artwork. Erik brings up Heath, and Zoey says she’s not with him anymore. Erik asks if she’s sure, and Zoey says yes, but we all know that will only last until the plot starts moving forward, and then she’ll get back together with him to bring it to another grinding halt. Have I mentioned that we’re still in flashback? Because we are. Still.

Then they look in Dallas’s room and it has stuff in it, and then they move on. What a waste of time. Erik thanks Zoey for saving him from Kalona. If you’re thinking that Zoey didn’t do a darn thing to save Erik from Kalona, then you win a cookie, because she didn’t. This is just another excuse for the other characters to kiss up to Zoey.

“No I’m pretty sure you saved me because without you I don’t think I would have had any free will.”

All praise Zoey, savior of main characters. Let us all remember, that without Zoey, none of us would have free will, so we must thank our great leader for bestowing this gift upon all of us. Hail Zoey!

Zoey tells Erik that she misses being with him, and Erik’s free will is immediately turned back off again, as he starts telling Zoey how sexy and powerful she is. Then Zoey says that she felt bad for cutting his hand. I poured this scene over my pancakes because it was so full of sap.

“You had to. It was part of the ritual.” He lifted his hand and turned it palm up so that I could see the thin ribbon that sliced down the meaty pad under his thumb.

I trailed a finger lightly along the pink line. “I hated to hurt you”

For the love of… Could somebody please just get stabbed already? Zoey and Erik wring all the sappiness out of the scene until it lies drained and dead on the ground; Erik is robotically forced to say that he still wants Zoey and they start making out. Things get a little too hot for Zoey though, as Erik starts reaching up Zoey’s dress.

Naked flesh?

Backed against the wall of a tunnel?

Being groped in the dark?

Oh hey, Zoey just became self-aware. That’s an important step in the development of a 4-year-old. She’s making progress! Zoey realizes that Erik is trying to get in her pants, and monologues about it.

And the worst thought of all hit me: Did Erik think because I’d had sex (once!) that now it was open season on nailing Zoey? Ah, crap!

Well I know that’s what I thought. Isn’t that what’s been going on for the past 2 books? Actually I’m pretty sure that’s what Zoey thought. She insists she’s not a “nympho ho” although her four boyfriends, not including her inevitable relationship with Kalona, would probably beg to differ.

She tells Erik to stop, but since breaking up with Zoey he’s turned into both a jerk and rapist, so he just keeps going. But then Zoey sees glowing red eyes and pushes him away. The red eyes disappear, but Kramisha comes out of a different part of the tunnels to tease them relentlessly. Zoey asks if she saw anything and Kramisha says no. Then Jack comes out to say that Erik and Zoey making out is “sweet” which makes me wonder if Jack was dropped as a child.

Erik and Zoey go to help Jack carry towels to the showers because that’s fun and interesting to read about. They pick up the expensive towels and talk about money for a while and then head to the showers. They stop by Kramisha’s room so they can admire her furniture.

‘It’s a great color,” I said, thinking how moronic it was for me to be imagining booger monsters in every shadow when the place had been Pier One-decorated.

Booger monster? Classy. Kramisha has a lot of books in her room that she’s temporarily stolen from the public library, because she wants to be an author some day. Funny, you would think Kramisha would have a firmer grasp of the English language if she read a lot and wanted to be an author. Anyway, she has a bunch of poetry around the room that she’s written. Zoey reads one of the poems and it’s obviously about Kalona, and they all gasp in shock.

Who cares? Seriously, how is this going to affect anything at this point? Kalona is back. He’s going to do bad things. That’s all the poetry says, and we already knew all that, so what’s the point of it?

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

One thought on “Hunted Chapter 7: Flashback Part Infinity!

  1. LB says:

    I love this. Seriously, the most I have laughed in ages :)

    Really looking forward to the next bit.

You know you want to leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: